Oh boy! Sorry for the pun. Bless me folks since it's been over three months since my last entry at the end of March. At that point I was about 2-1/2 months post-surgery for dealing with Igor (my pet knee.) It's more than 6 months now and Igor is getting comfortable. I still have significant limitations on lifting and especially going down stairs- Handrails welcome! Kneeling is out- Maybe permanently.
"What's with the bird?" you say.
I talk to the bird often. The bird is very savy and understands a lot more than most people do. She is pretty good at stock market advice and for another thing, on traveling by air. I should have listened to the bird back in May.
By now I've had some experience with air travel and it's a kick! The folks at TSA on security checkpoints must have some of the most boring jobs on the planet. Confiscating liquids that aren't in the required 1 quart Zip-Lock bag or are over 4 ounces must be the normal highlight. But wait! what if a passenger goes through and still hits the DING! DING! DING! on the portal after removing shoes, all pocket contents, belt, rings, watch, religious neckware, glasses, hearing aids, and dental work? Must be a terrorist that somehow swallowed a weapon or worse! With rapid breathing the sole TSA person becomes a crew of three at least. Standing on the shoe outlines at the search and frisk area they do- Search and frisk that is. They are about to grab and secure me when I point to Igor. This poor guy with the scanner is on his first body scan and gets me- of all people. I tell him that I've had surgery on the knee and that's what is setting off the bells and whistles on his scanner. Meanwhile the announcement over the public address system is calling me by name requesting me to board. I point this out to deaf ears.
"What's with the knee?" says the guy with the scanner.
"Six ounces of titanium in there." says me.
The guy looks at his partners and asks if titanium is explosive. They respond that it could be, but probably not if it's in the knee. The guy asks if there's anything else in there. Now I know that at this point a little white lie would not have been a bad plan- I could have said "Nothing," Being honest I told the truth and said
"Also about 6 ounces of plastic."
Bad mistake in being honest at this level.
The guy was obviously a former law enforcement officer as he jumped back from me and reached for a sidearm that thankfully wasn't there.
"This guy has a knee made of C4 and titanium!" he shouts to his comrades.
The others calm him down giving him a 30 second treatise in knee replacement surgery. The announcement repeats its search for me. The guy knows that I'm really a bad dude and he's going to prove it. I'm waiting for the strip search when one of the others asks me to raise my pant leg where the 12" scar is plainly visible. They scan that, setting off the beeps and bells once again.
"This guy's OK-" says the one that asked me to raise my pant leg and gives me back my boarding pass.
The next announcement gives me two minutes to hobble the quarter mile to the gate. I don't make it but the gate keeper relents and lets me board giving me a dirty look.
Someone else mumbles something about inconveiniencing other passengers.
I love to travel.
The bird understands sarcasm as well.
"What's with the bird?" you say.
I talk to the bird often. The bird is very savy and understands a lot more than most people do. She is pretty good at stock market advice and for another thing, on traveling by air. I should have listened to the bird back in May.
By now I've had some experience with air travel and it's a kick! The folks at TSA on security checkpoints must have some of the most boring jobs on the planet. Confiscating liquids that aren't in the required 1 quart Zip-Lock bag or are over 4 ounces must be the normal highlight. But wait! what if a passenger goes through and still hits the DING! DING! DING! on the portal after removing shoes, all pocket contents, belt, rings, watch, religious neckware, glasses, hearing aids, and dental work? Must be a terrorist that somehow swallowed a weapon or worse! With rapid breathing the sole TSA person becomes a crew of three at least. Standing on the shoe outlines at the search and frisk area they do- Search and frisk that is. They are about to grab and secure me when I point to Igor. This poor guy with the scanner is on his first body scan and gets me- of all people. I tell him that I've had surgery on the knee and that's what is setting off the bells and whistles on his scanner. Meanwhile the announcement over the public address system is calling me by name requesting me to board. I point this out to deaf ears.
"What's with the knee?" says the guy with the scanner.
"Six ounces of titanium in there." says me.
The guy looks at his partners and asks if titanium is explosive. They respond that it could be, but probably not if it's in the knee. The guy asks if there's anything else in there. Now I know that at this point a little white lie would not have been a bad plan- I could have said "Nothing," Being honest I told the truth and said
"Also about 6 ounces of plastic."
Bad mistake in being honest at this level.
The guy was obviously a former law enforcement officer as he jumped back from me and reached for a sidearm that thankfully wasn't there.
"This guy has a knee made of C4 and titanium!" he shouts to his comrades.
The others calm him down giving him a 30 second treatise in knee replacement surgery. The announcement repeats its search for me. The guy knows that I'm really a bad dude and he's going to prove it. I'm waiting for the strip search when one of the others asks me to raise my pant leg where the 12" scar is plainly visible. They scan that, setting off the beeps and bells once again.
"This guy's OK-" says the one that asked me to raise my pant leg and gives me back my boarding pass.
The next announcement gives me two minutes to hobble the quarter mile to the gate. I don't make it but the gate keeper relents and lets me board giving me a dirty look.
Someone else mumbles something about inconveiniencing other passengers.
I love to travel.
The bird understands sarcasm as well.
1 comment:
I wonder if birds can get plastic and titanium knees...........
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